The flip side to free bagel

Something Simon Sinek said in an interview I saw yesterday got me thinking

I quote him here 

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The Free Bagel 

Sinek gives an example in his video of how he and his friend both wanted a free bagel that was being offered to all of the runners in the race that they had been a part of. His friend saw how long the line was and did not want to wait. Sinek made the choice to walk to the front of the line and blindly grab two bagels for himself, and his friend. Sinek broke the rules by jumping in front of the other people that were patiently waiting in line. By doing so, he was successful in getting what he wanted. He was able to grab two bagels, one for himself and one for his friend. However, breaking the rules still came with a price. Simon Sinek was not able to choose the type of bagels that he wanted.

Sinek’s maneuver on the surface seems like it was a brash and impatient decision. However, no one in front of him got mad because he didn’t take away their choice of bagel, he was simply focused on the end result. This is where breaking the rules will serve you when it comes to your goals. As long as you’re not hurting others, or denying them of their needs, how you reach your goal doesn’t matter. Breaking the rules gives you the chance to blaze the trail and solve problems like never before.

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So here the moral of the story is:breaking rules solves problems. But what about morals ? 

What he did simply put was cheating and not how it is conveniently justified as "brash & impatient". He quoting it as an example for achieving goals, makes me honestly cringe. 

So back to my thoughts.. 

Today the definition of success is very simple, it equals to money earned, means (By which it is earned) does not matter. The problem is not money being the definition, the problem is each of us bullying our mind and heart to accept this definition. 

If I dont earn as much as X, I am a failure 

I will do anything to get praise from X because of the wealth he / she has    

.. and I could go on

Dont get me wrong, I want to earn money, lots of it but at what cost and how is another conversation. 

I also strongly believe in creative solutions, in fact that's the best way according to me, each one of us can add value to this world.I associate it to joy and I apply it to every aspect of my life even to my daily chores. 

I am also up for being opportunistic, but what do you perceive as opportunity to my mind is equally important. Taking away from someone is not being opportunistic, its called snatching and something you snatch from others, can be easily snatched from you as well. 

What I earn due to my hard work, implementation of mine & other's learning,support and love of others will stay with me for ever. Even if I loose most materialistic things in life, I am confident I will be able to able to win again as I have the confidence which comes from success earned because of strong foundation of honest efforts,self improvement, living in the moment and integrity. 

To sum up my thoughts  -

I define my success & stay true to it by creating it with support of others  & not at the cost (of others)

Peekaboo ! Damn covid why do I see you ?

All of us have been grappling with lockdown in our own unique and not so unique ways. I live with my parents and all three of us are high risk subjects so initially I had completely shut down. I wanted to just distant myself from all the noise in media (social, tv and the whatsapp news minions) so I stopped reading about the daily counts, I took social distancing to extreme level with friends who were members of the news minions army by just temporarily blocking them from my life. 

My only source of information was Ted Connect daily. But after sometime that too got boring. The best thing that happened to me was the work from home and the home chores kept me so busy that by the end of the day I was too exhausted to think about covid and the impact its happening on me and my family. 

I think, on a good day, I am a sensitive person, and the negative media news affects me.  So you can imagine,as they call it, "these unprecedented times" , so yes I did have my mini and not so mini meltdowns. 

First month I think I just took one day as it came, did my work, thanked god for the food and health of my family. I was so into strict one day at a time,  live in the moment funda I am a strong advocate of, I forgot my brother's anniversary, not that I am very good with remembering dates, but I did not remember despite many hints and but what hurt me most was I forgot Dexter's death anniversary. Now that's something that made me realize I need to take a moment or more and actually have the much needed chat with self on "Hey how you doing ?" (the joe style from friends plays in my mind ) but on a soul searching NX level.

Really how am I doing ?

So I am doing great ! Am alive and healthy so I can take care of my loved ones. All my family members are alive and healthy (Touchwood!), we have food, we have shelter that I love, I have a job I love. So yes physiological and some emotional needs are being very satisfied. Thank god for that!

On the other hand I feel I am guilty for wanting to say I am scared, I feel lonely, I miss seeing the vashi creek on my way to work every morning and night, I miss doing things which are a not necessity but I miss them as I am privileged compared to whats happening in the world out there. So I think somewhere between whats right and wrong I realized I can cut myself some slack. Its ok to unapologetically miss the joys of life as long I dont add to the online noise of hashtag lockdown!  

But forgetting to remember Dexter's anniversary does not mean covid made me forget to miss him or love him any less is what I am having hard time convincing myself. 

On the other hand, Dexter I know for sure you are laughing at yet another stupidity of mine. But yes I am realizing I feel guilty that somewhere the pain of loosing him has faded though very fractional and I have this unnecessary need to  hold on to it with all I have. Sometimes when I have to re narrate or narrate a story I have not bored my close ones with (About Dexter- my first boy - the world's most amazing soul - my 11 yr old labrador who left us 4 years back) and say Angel (Our 2 year old goldy - aka  Devil aka Gundappa swamy)  instead of Dexter, I feel very guilty. 

Today when I told my ma I am missing Angel a lot as he is living with my brother during lockdown, I again felt very guilty. In my head I guess pain = loves in some twisted sense and Loving Angel = Loving Dexter less, in a more idiotic sense. 

Letting go = Loving less in away. Am I the only one who is stupid ? Lets conveniently  blame the illogical woman's brain and her hormonal wiring ! 

I do hope there are homies (And am sure there are men in that group too) out there like me so that we can have a new club to counteract the  news minion clubs growing at a rate faster than covid itself. 

But I also realized a few things about myself which I am sure many would have also realized about me long back (Haha ( Joker's laugh plays in my mind) Am I sounding narcissistic? Of course not love, you are perfect ;) ).

But for real, 

We are much tougher than we give credit to ourselves 

We are more blessed than the ones we acknowledge

We have to redefine happiness if we want to survive and thrive 

Letting go is a good thing. Am happy in some weighing scale I have slimmed down :P

Also this pandemic had showed me people I should value in life and am so grateful for the love, empathy and concerned bested on me by them. It made the lockdown lots easier. A big shout out to them (You know who You are, woof woof, cuddle cuddle, kiss kiss) 

The bonds between family I think is so critical and the backbone of our society and my very existence and I think my family has now a new sense patience after bearing me continuously day after day :D and my gratitude towards them has also reached a new high after few hick ups

However I realized my love affair with chocolate is one of constants and sometimes constants are a good thing.

However I cant help but state the obvious, I could have survive very well without having to experience first hand  about the undauntable human spirit that finds a way to survive and thrive come what may. God promise, I trust all books and people that have described it so earnestly :) See am going easy on myself without feeling guilty about it !

Heres my parting shot :). 3 Gen of blue blooded bong girls ! 

Respect Vs Love

After reading my blog post, a friend of mine said his view is contrary to mine, he believes there can be no love without respect. If respect is over, there is no love left and its just obligation. He felt I had not explained my point of view well in my previous post, so here goes

Long and short of it in my view, respect is earned and its retention is suggested to conditions. A person's action has to be insync with the value system which earned him or her the respect in the first case. Its not emotional - its data driven. A person's action will earn respect and leavay may be given a couple of times but repeatedly if a person flounders then respect is lost. Can it be earned again - I think its a very long and difficult uphill task not many will be ready to take up (Else they would not have let go of their values so easily)

But love, well love is another story. Love, the pure one is unconditional. It does not have an ulterior motive, it does not see whether the person deserves it or not, its there, showing solidarity with the person throughout their journey, even if some actions are not condoned.

Question is can love exist without respect. According to me it can. Few examples to explain the same better, if two people who love each other - the romantic kind of love, but one partner has lost respect for the other partner, he may continue to be in love with the partner - even if they may or may not be in the relation. Like wise siblings - you may love them like crazy, support them but if certain actions have caused you to loose respect for them, love may survive and be enough for the relationship to survive.

I dont want to undermine love, the pure, unconditional kind. Love is the innocent child, that knows no fear, will never give up hope, which knows no boundaries, love is eternal. If your hurt love, it will run away like an angry child but its easy to win it back. Nurture it with care and commitment, it will be yours, like a child - it will smile at you with its purity and forget the past pain in an instant.

But respect is like that strict coach - earning brownie points wont be easy, retaining them even more tough, but you cant take it for granted. You have to prove your worth each time.

We all want love and respect, sometimes we tend to take love a bit more for granted and respect does not permit such grants. So ya for me, love can exist with or without respect :)

Me, We, Us & then there is that !

During my recent work trip, I saw such different visions of love at the airport, it made my heart go "awww" to "ouch" to "oooo"in a matter of few minutes


An elderly couple were at an accessory store and the husband was choosing real jazzy clutch purses for his lady love and the lady was very sweetly telling him she does not have a sari to match the clutch instead of telling his he has a horrid taste in clutches :)

Well other than this couple, nothing in the store caught my fancy and so I left the store after my little mental cooing at the couple and went to  wait in the lounge with my cuppa and a quick bite. There I see another couple - this one in their early 30 is my guess, and from giggling and sweet nothings being loudly exchanged to a full blown fight happened in matter of 5 minutes. I was inwardly cringing at the loud decibel and really harsh exchange taking place.

I quickly got out of there when my head started its rude pounding, to find a spot near my flight gate and there again I saw an old man on a wheel chair and I am guessing his daughter or daughter in law grabbing a bite together. The lady was diligently cutting the sandwich into small pieces and the old man with his shaking hands was very slowly lifting the piece and eating it and the lady was every once in a while wiping his face with lots of affection. This scene made my heart feel peace and made world again a great place to be :)

Sometimes observing others (Which I love doing) gives you so many live lessons which actually stays back with you and is presented during your time of need. These three incidences go me thinking, whether my belief that respect is more important than love applies in each of these situation.

Let me elaborate.

I believe that respect is the most critical ingredient in any kind of relationship - love comes a distant second. If you love someone dearly - be it your partner, child, parents, best friend, mentor but respect has been lost due to any or many circumstance, the relationship becomes a chore - soul is lost -you would do things out of love for the person or cause of the past history together but joy will be depleted little by little, it wont be instant and it wont be quick but over a long period of time you will realize, the relation just exists and is no longer alive.

But on the  other hand, if respect exists between two individuals, they can create an environment of joy, prosperity and growth together. Respect will also bring in love, togetherness and a sense of belonging with it. Respect for me is the core of any relationship and that being the relationship which I have with myself as I strongly believe if I dont respect and love myself, no one will. But at the same time I always keep the sole custody of my happiness. I love people with souls filled with quirks, I love the dynamics of family, am a sucker for romantic love, fairytales and romcoms and the joy these all relationships get in our life and how they enrich our lives. But I also love with equal or may be a bit more zeal my me time, me with my crazy thoughts, my dreams,my chocolate,my books, my window shopping, my talks with dexter, my spirited discussion with sai baba.

One thing I still wonder is - can respect be earned back or will weight of doubt pave the path to doom? Love can but not respect is the short answer that comes to my mind instantly but then life is full of paradoxes - so you never know I might in future see an example of regained respect minus any baggage.

Have a good weekend. I for sure is going to have one :)



Leaving a click - the co passenger created his in flight entertainment by using the airline bib in an indigenous manner. Oh how I love desi jugaad mindset !!

Where's the potty tonight !

First question on 1st Jan asked by most is "Where did you party"

And if you celebrated it, like the rest of your nights , with a healthy dose of sleep instead of vodka, both you and the person who asked this question would label you "boring", "uncool" and many more not happening things. 

I was really tired of explaining to people this time, despite it being the beginning of a new decade, why healthy dose of sleep with a sumptuous meal of self love coupled with loadsa scoop of gratitude still qualifies as a "cool" and "hep and happening" bang into the next decade. 

But what is ironic is the ones that dug too deep to find out reason why I celebrated it in this manner were the not happening types as per hoity toity judgmental me (I call them the shallow dumb fcuks) 

But honestly towards the end, 2% of self belief did shake and I had to school myself back to my philosophy "my right is my right and can be other left and is still right"

What I did not like was the pressure of looking cool is more than being cool and it is at its peak during the social occasions created actually to make people feel good about themselves and to strengthen bonds.

 

So are we creating deep bonds by partying with people we do not care much in our hearts but are good for the insta uploads or creating bonds by staying connected with people who matter even if these people wont get you those insta hearts but make your real heart mush up with the warmth they radiate, is a choice each one of us are making consciously or subconsciously. 

However not judging others on the choices they make is one of the things am working on myself. 

One new habit I am really enjoying inculcating is, each time I want to do / think / say something that is not in line with my new fundamentals of behaviours I want to inculcate within me, I drink water to distract myself. 

Agitated, drink water

Sad, drink water

Self pity, more water 

Wanna be snarky, loadsa water 

You get the drift..

So Drink - Pee trip - Repeat is helping me with its 3 fold benefits. Firstly - Distracts me from erring the hydrating way, secondly - my skin and hair will soon be  more healthy and glowing and thirdly - exercise I get with the long walk from my workstation to rest room at work and at home I go to my ma's wash room so get whatever little walks our bombay houses permit - all in all I walk more and often so I get more tired and I sleep better. 

Bottom line - I am smirking mentally each time I remember these benefits and I have increased the count of my self admiration club - 20% more of me is now a part (well thats 50% growth guys)

So I gotta go pee again and you have a good evening :)