Pari hoon main !

This saturday, I took my 15 month old niece to the park behind my house. Its her daily to do thing with my Baba. There I met this bundle of energy named Pari. She came up to us, introduced herself and shared her life story so far of 6 years in the 2.5 hours. Loved her energy, confidence and vivaciousness. Best part she called me didi and told me my teeth are yellow. Haha, way to send you in cloud nine and bring you back to ground zero in few seconds :) I envy the energy the kids  have from starting to end. Both the girls thoroughly entertained me with their antics.

However it got me thinking, how much of my child like nature am I carrying with me, which part of that child like spirit I have brutally cut off and which part am I trying to nurture. 

Introspection is something I love doing but the unflattering outcomes makes me uncomfortable for some time. Then I just bounce back to saying its ok. 

However I got thinking and I would like to believe thinking deep. As a child I would always approach people new to me with an openness, world was always mine to conquer, small joys made my day and worry points in like was that homework I needed to complete else I had to be ready for my Ma's wrath. 

Has much of my situations changed vs my childhood ? Or have I worn new glasses that makes me look at my world differently ?

School got traded for work place

Exams to projects

Openness got traded with experience leading to cynical behaviour most times 

Vivacious self got traded off with cautious schooled appropriate communication so as to not hurt sentiments 

Small joys got traded off the most. Why ? How ? How to reduce the delta ? Is what I am trying to figure out the most.

That unbridled laughter and the end with a snort that my Ma and bro would make most fun of is what I miss most about being me. 

I love reading quotes and the wisdom shared in such few powerful words always impressed me and always got me thinking as well as to how relevant it is even today what great minds had said centuries ago

And quotes about "Living in the moment" always made me mentally shrug  my shoulders  and roll my eyes. However due to  series of life changing events, I have now come to realize the living in the moment is one of the wisest philosophy and one that is most difficult to follow. 

So now am back to school, learning to live in the moment, unlearning too many things which do not serve me anymore. I am now hunting the small joys and being grateful for each one of them

Homework for me is going back to writing this blog - however stupid the post turns out, I am gonna pen my thoughts and not judge them too much 

Openness ah that's a difficult  and easy one - somethings its easy to be open and some others letting go of wisdom gained is difficult. However I am now getting open to the idea of new experiences and ones in a while letting go of the safety blanket loving me and accepting "lets try it"  me 

So here's to celebrating being alive vs just existing, completely cutting off than being polite for society, saying as is honestly but with empathy vs sugar coating the truth, creating vs fitting in. 

Hopefully will get some decent grade this year. 

Cheers to these to young ladies. May they grow to be the strong, independent & empathetic humans !

Heal (paw) the pain !

Dexter its going to be 4 years since I saw you last, since I felt your soft fur, cuddled with you, drank into your unique smell, felt the deep love and innocence in your eyes, the anger when I came home late from work or forgot to let you sniff the new stuff I bought, the doggo ball style we played, the blanket snatching game, the long walks, the sniffing and chomping off the treats, your drools when we eat anything, literally anything.

Your calm self being there beside when I feel alone, lost and broken, the winter snuggle in our comforter and then u just going off because you had enough of the overdose of love I would shower [ya you were mean at times :p but I still love u] the love you gave every person you met, how you bug ma and she getting mad at u and me trying to create peace, uff I can still laugh and both your antics.

Your jumping around when u were ecstatic about a new toy or just me coming home after a tour, I now pack my bags at leisure and miss u even more because I had to do all my packing after you went off to sleep else you would be sad the entire evening.

Your naughty face when you did some mischief but were confident we would not figure that out or the damage is done and your confidence that you  can manipulate us with your charm and you were right each and every time, you would get away most times with a empty threat from us.

How you would knock at the door when I closed it so that u dont bug me, haha every one around thought it was a human knocking haha. How you would try to break a tiff between me and bro by jumping on top of him, how you would get super possessive if anyone tried to hug me, how mad you would get when I would pet another doggo, I miss you waking me up every single morning and the morning cuddles, i miss our car rides together and your joy when u smelled polluted air :).

Dexter, do you know that the dog spa you went to has closed down ? Whenever I see that shop i have so many fond memories, though a new one has come in its place it will be still your spa to me, your eagerness to go there, ur unwillingness to stay there and your anger if i were 5 minutes late to pick you up. How dapper you thought you looked after the spa and how you would flaunt yourself to ma and baba wanting them to acknowledge your highness's hotness :)

Rains always remind me of your raincoat and how u initially thought it did not cool on you as peeps on the street were laughing at you and later on, on my insistence same peeps would pet you and go so that you were convinced you were looking good. Vain ass you are !   Your winter coats and how u preferred the blue over red was funny, even today I have so many people still talking about you and it still brings tears in my eyes. But I feel so proud to be known as Dexter's ma. Haha ya some folks on street still call me that. Haha you improved my social skills :p

My ranting can never stop so I go back to mental ranting again :)
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Dexter I miss you a lot and I am sure you are at a better place now and spreading more joys, I am grateful for the way you touched my life and changed it for ever. I love you a lot and miss you every single day of my life and I know you are there with me always, laughing at my stupidities, hugging me when am down, hearing me ranting to you about my silly problems and not so silly ones as well.

I have stopped eating mackerel, am sure u must be super happy about it u mean ass :) but honestly i cannot eat it without u trying to snatch it from me. I had also stopped eating sea cod caps as we both would eat it together, you unwillingly and me by choice, but now had to make myself eat it again but I remember you each time i eat it [Ok not very time by many times]

I thought with time the pain of missing you would reduce. But it does not and am kind of  trying to learn to live with the pain. Some part of the pain I try to overcome - like how I  hated my house as it had so many memories of the weekends you and I would spend there. You know  past 4 years I hardly went there but now slowly I am trying to not hate the place so much. However some pains have increased. Like seeing another Labrador,  I try to find you in them and I know its not you. If a street doggo tries to come for a cuddle, I again search you in them. I cannot make myself go to a pet store. But I went one time and it hurt me too much so I quickly bought what I needed and left. I so loved our pet store visits how you got special privilege to enter the store coz of your cute ass nature and how exciting those trips were for you :)


Hey now Baban has Angel and he is like your alter ego. Haha. He is a goof ball and poor thing has to bare the load of your supreme legacy but he does not give a doggo fuck. Haha he is one crazy.I do love him in my own way but I guess I still cannot allow another soul to touch my hear the way you did.

I know I know you are bored of my ranting and you know I would give your those famous soul suffocating cuddles and zillion kisses which would embarrass you so I stop but then come on you annoying Dexter the monster why had you to be so frigging awesome :)

I love you more every single day and pray you remain the awesome soul you are in every life you take and if there is heaven above you get the most royal treatment u deserve.