Respect Vs Love

After reading my blog post, a friend of mine said his view is contrary to mine, he believes there can be no love without respect. If respect is over, there is no love left and its just obligation. He felt I had not explained my point of view well in my previous post, so here goes

Long and short of it in my view, respect is earned and its retention is suggested to conditions. A person's action has to be insync with the value system which earned him or her the respect in the first case. Its not emotional - its data driven. A person's action will earn respect and leavay may be given a couple of times but repeatedly if a person flounders then respect is lost. Can it be earned again - I think its a very long and difficult uphill task not many will be ready to take up (Else they would not have let go of their values so easily)

But love, well love is another story. Love, the pure one is unconditional. It does not have an ulterior motive, it does not see whether the person deserves it or not, its there, showing solidarity with the person throughout their journey, even if some actions are not condoned.

Question is can love exist without respect. According to me it can. Few examples to explain the same better, if two people who love each other - the romantic kind of love, but one partner has lost respect for the other partner, he may continue to be in love with the partner - even if they may or may not be in the relation. Like wise siblings - you may love them like crazy, support them but if certain actions have caused you to loose respect for them, love may survive and be enough for the relationship to survive.

I dont want to undermine love, the pure, unconditional kind. Love is the innocent child, that knows no fear, will never give up hope, which knows no boundaries, love is eternal. If your hurt love, it will run away like an angry child but its easy to win it back. Nurture it with care and commitment, it will be yours, like a child - it will smile at you with its purity and forget the past pain in an instant.

But respect is like that strict coach - earning brownie points wont be easy, retaining them even more tough, but you cant take it for granted. You have to prove your worth each time.

We all want love and respect, sometimes we tend to take love a bit more for granted and respect does not permit such grants. So ya for me, love can exist with or without respect :)

Me, We, Us & then there is that !

During my recent work trip, I saw such different visions of love at the airport, it made my heart go "awww" to "ouch" to "oooo"in a matter of few minutes


An elderly couple were at an accessory store and the husband was choosing real jazzy clutch purses for his lady love and the lady was very sweetly telling him she does not have a sari to match the clutch instead of telling his he has a horrid taste in clutches :)

Well other than this couple, nothing in the store caught my fancy and so I left the store after my little mental cooing at the couple and went to  wait in the lounge with my cuppa and a quick bite. There I see another couple - this one in their early 30 is my guess, and from giggling and sweet nothings being loudly exchanged to a full blown fight happened in matter of 5 minutes. I was inwardly cringing at the loud decibel and really harsh exchange taking place.

I quickly got out of there when my head started its rude pounding, to find a spot near my flight gate and there again I saw an old man on a wheel chair and I am guessing his daughter or daughter in law grabbing a bite together. The lady was diligently cutting the sandwich into small pieces and the old man with his shaking hands was very slowly lifting the piece and eating it and the lady was every once in a while wiping his face with lots of affection. This scene made my heart feel peace and made world again a great place to be :)

Sometimes observing others (Which I love doing) gives you so many live lessons which actually stays back with you and is presented during your time of need. These three incidences go me thinking, whether my belief that respect is more important than love applies in each of these situation.

Let me elaborate.

I believe that respect is the most critical ingredient in any kind of relationship - love comes a distant second. If you love someone dearly - be it your partner, child, parents, best friend, mentor but respect has been lost due to any or many circumstance, the relationship becomes a chore - soul is lost -you would do things out of love for the person or cause of the past history together but joy will be depleted little by little, it wont be instant and it wont be quick but over a long period of time you will realize, the relation just exists and is no longer alive.

But on the  other hand, if respect exists between two individuals, they can create an environment of joy, prosperity and growth together. Respect will also bring in love, togetherness and a sense of belonging with it. Respect for me is the core of any relationship and that being the relationship which I have with myself as I strongly believe if I dont respect and love myself, no one will. But at the same time I always keep the sole custody of my happiness. I love people with souls filled with quirks, I love the dynamics of family, am a sucker for romantic love, fairytales and romcoms and the joy these all relationships get in our life and how they enrich our lives. But I also love with equal or may be a bit more zeal my me time, me with my crazy thoughts, my dreams,my chocolate,my books, my window shopping, my talks with dexter, my spirited discussion with sai baba.

One thing I still wonder is - can respect be earned back or will weight of doubt pave the path to doom? Love can but not respect is the short answer that comes to my mind instantly but then life is full of paradoxes - so you never know I might in future see an example of regained respect minus any baggage.

Have a good weekend. I for sure is going to have one :)



Leaving a click - the co passenger created his in flight entertainment by using the airline bib in an indigenous manner. Oh how I love desi jugaad mindset !!

Where's the potty tonight !

First question on 1st Jan asked by most is "Where did you party"

And if you celebrated it, like the rest of your nights , with a healthy dose of sleep instead of vodka, both you and the person who asked this question would label you "boring", "uncool" and many more not happening things. 

I was really tired of explaining to people this time, despite it being the beginning of a new decade, why healthy dose of sleep with a sumptuous meal of self love coupled with loadsa scoop of gratitude still qualifies as a "cool" and "hep and happening" bang into the next decade. 

But what is ironic is the ones that dug too deep to find out reason why I celebrated it in this manner were the not happening types as per hoity toity judgmental me (I call them the shallow dumb fcuks) 

But honestly towards the end, 2% of self belief did shake and I had to school myself back to my philosophy "my right is my right and can be other left and is still right"

What I did not like was the pressure of looking cool is more than being cool and it is at its peak during the social occasions created actually to make people feel good about themselves and to strengthen bonds.

 

So are we creating deep bonds by partying with people we do not care much in our hearts but are good for the insta uploads or creating bonds by staying connected with people who matter even if these people wont get you those insta hearts but make your real heart mush up with the warmth they radiate, is a choice each one of us are making consciously or subconsciously. 

However not judging others on the choices they make is one of the things am working on myself. 

One new habit I am really enjoying inculcating is, each time I want to do / think / say something that is not in line with my new fundamentals of behaviours I want to inculcate within me, I drink water to distract myself. 

Agitated, drink water

Sad, drink water

Self pity, more water 

Wanna be snarky, loadsa water 

You get the drift..

So Drink - Pee trip - Repeat is helping me with its 3 fold benefits. Firstly - Distracts me from erring the hydrating way, secondly - my skin and hair will soon be  more healthy and glowing and thirdly - exercise I get with the long walk from my workstation to rest room at work and at home I go to my ma's wash room so get whatever little walks our bombay houses permit - all in all I walk more and often so I get more tired and I sleep better. 

Bottom line - I am smirking mentally each time I remember these benefits and I have increased the count of my self admiration club - 20% more of me is now a part (well thats 50% growth guys)

So I gotta go pee again and you have a good evening :)