Dexter, my 12 year old boy [ Labrador] left us for his next pursuit of happiness on a sunday of 2016 [May 15th 2016 at 9:05 pm]
My brother was off on his honeymoon so we did not tell him till he returned a week later. Our entire family's acting skills was put to test that week and we did pass looks like as my brother was not able to make out our loss. He happens to be a very perceptive boy [He is 30+ but will always remain the child to me].
That night after his death, I slept beside him, trying to capture in all my senses his soft ears, his unique smell, his nose that twitched, body so warm growing cold and stiff every minute. His beautiful ever expressive eyes which were truly the window to his amazing soul was shut from me. I held him tight and cried all night and when morning came, that one last car ride which he enjoyed so much, he lay in my arms and I held my boy tight in my heart,hoping this nightmare comes to an end.
For the first year I relived the events of the day every Sunday in my mind. Blaming myself for not being there for the couple of hours I went out, blaming the vet who did not take my endless calls, blaming God for not letting Dexter be in better health longer.
I did some weird stuff to deal with the pain. I went to a tarot reader to find out whether he was happy after I read they can contact animal souls as well. My brother found a psychic who told him dexter will come back to him as another dog. I and my mother felt Dexter's presence initially every night and gradually it decreased. We still feel him around but maybe once in 15 days or more. I Googled this and as usual Google did throw up some explanation on this. Same as that for human soul.
I would sit to write an eulogy, a sonnet , a poem for my child but no words could express the soul shattering pain I am going through and other reason being I am not a good writer and not even a bad poet.
Dealing with loss of human is very difficult but dealing with loss of animal soulmate is excruciatingly painful as unlike humans they dont have selfish motives, no flaws, dont cheat and I could go on. But I am sure we as human are aware of the flaws we have. Some research in USA proved what pet owners have felt for centuries, loss of pet is more traumatic then loss of another human.
The difference between loss of human loved one, others can understand but how can loss of a dog make you so weepy ? Get over it .. he was old .. Get over it .. he is just a dog.. Get over it and get a new one.. Get married !!! Well these were some of the verbal and non verbal communications I received from people close and not so close to me.. some knew Dexter personally some knew him via my facebook post. Another bad thing about FB post.. it shows you memories and thats when I realized my FB post were mostly Dexter's pictures and the fireworks would go on every morning seeing it.
So No I have not yet got another dog or any pet. My brother has a one and half year old golden retriever named ironically Angel who stays with us from morning to evening and evening to next day morning he stays with my brother and my sister in law. I call him Gundappa swamy [ Loosely translated King of Goons as he is a hell raiser] Poor thing is always measured against the so much larger than life legacy Dexter has left behind.
My grief is that of mother who waits to meet her dead child in next life. Letting go does not look like an option nor choice but I know eventually I have to make peace with Dexter being in my heart my soul my thoughts and being part of every happy memory I have of my life.
I had made two puppet dogs from the last rice which Dexter use to eat and had given one to my brother and one for me. Something to hold on to when all is gone. I had given away all his clothes toys utensils to a dog shelter. But now my brother feels its time to let go of that too. I grudgingly agreed to it. Letting go is easy said than done.
Some days its a truck load of tears that make my heart light and some days its a sob that makes my heart heavy.
What makes my heart swell up in happiness and tears for once I shed of joy when relatives and friends share how they felt Dexter was a soul from heaven and touched their live in his own special ways.
So Dexter my love you will always be loved more every passing day and my love and hugs and kisses till we meet again and again. Soulmates forever.
Last picture of Dexter taken - 15 days before his last smile.
My brother was off on his honeymoon so we did not tell him till he returned a week later. Our entire family's acting skills was put to test that week and we did pass looks like as my brother was not able to make out our loss. He happens to be a very perceptive boy [He is 30+ but will always remain the child to me].
That night after his death, I slept beside him, trying to capture in all my senses his soft ears, his unique smell, his nose that twitched, body so warm growing cold and stiff every minute. His beautiful ever expressive eyes which were truly the window to his amazing soul was shut from me. I held him tight and cried all night and when morning came, that one last car ride which he enjoyed so much, he lay in my arms and I held my boy tight in my heart,hoping this nightmare comes to an end.
For the first year I relived the events of the day every Sunday in my mind. Blaming myself for not being there for the couple of hours I went out, blaming the vet who did not take my endless calls, blaming God for not letting Dexter be in better health longer.
I did some weird stuff to deal with the pain. I went to a tarot reader to find out whether he was happy after I read they can contact animal souls as well. My brother found a psychic who told him dexter will come back to him as another dog. I and my mother felt Dexter's presence initially every night and gradually it decreased. We still feel him around but maybe once in 15 days or more. I Googled this and as usual Google did throw up some explanation on this. Same as that for human soul.
I would sit to write an eulogy, a sonnet , a poem for my child but no words could express the soul shattering pain I am going through and other reason being I am not a good writer and not even a bad poet.
Dealing with loss of human is very difficult but dealing with loss of animal soulmate is excruciatingly painful as unlike humans they dont have selfish motives, no flaws, dont cheat and I could go on. But I am sure we as human are aware of the flaws we have. Some research in USA proved what pet owners have felt for centuries, loss of pet is more traumatic then loss of another human.
The difference between loss of human loved one, others can understand but how can loss of a dog make you so weepy ? Get over it .. he was old .. Get over it .. he is just a dog.. Get over it and get a new one.. Get married !!! Well these were some of the verbal and non verbal communications I received from people close and not so close to me.. some knew Dexter personally some knew him via my facebook post. Another bad thing about FB post.. it shows you memories and thats when I realized my FB post were mostly Dexter's pictures and the fireworks would go on every morning seeing it.
So No I have not yet got another dog or any pet. My brother has a one and half year old golden retriever named ironically Angel who stays with us from morning to evening and evening to next day morning he stays with my brother and my sister in law. I call him Gundappa swamy [ Loosely translated King of Goons as he is a hell raiser] Poor thing is always measured against the so much larger than life legacy Dexter has left behind.
My grief is that of mother who waits to meet her dead child in next life. Letting go does not look like an option nor choice but I know eventually I have to make peace with Dexter being in my heart my soul my thoughts and being part of every happy memory I have of my life.
I had made two puppet dogs from the last rice which Dexter use to eat and had given one to my brother and one for me. Something to hold on to when all is gone. I had given away all his clothes toys utensils to a dog shelter. But now my brother feels its time to let go of that too. I grudgingly agreed to it. Letting go is easy said than done.
Some days its a truck load of tears that make my heart light and some days its a sob that makes my heart heavy.
What makes my heart swell up in happiness and tears for once I shed of joy when relatives and friends share how they felt Dexter was a soul from heaven and touched their live in his own special ways.
So Dexter my love you will always be loved more every passing day and my love and hugs and kisses till we meet again and again. Soulmates forever.
Last picture of Dexter taken - 15 days before his last smile.
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