To underrated adulthood friendships

I had started writing this blog guess a decade or more back because of the motivation of one of my friend and now after a decade I have been wanting to go back to writing but had many excuses not to, however again its a friend that motivated me back to writing. 

The adulthood friendships are so underrated and yet its these friends who play an  important role in guiding and shaping you to the person you become. I feel these friendships' are underrated because, as kids you have less inhibition, less opinions and don't know what boundary and with no care in the world (in most cases), however as we grow up, we have build a fortress around us, to help us navigate life smoothly, and these friends enter our lives, break down our barriers, heal our wounds, make us laugh and of course annoy us but give us life lessons and help us evolve. 

What I find so interesting is some folks you meet in life, you instantly connect and it feels as though our souls always knew each other from another life and then these strangers become friends and then before you even realize they become part of your extended family. 

And then there are those, at least in my case, I take a strong dislike to - just my gut feeling, and then when I reprimand myself and decide to know the person better, I most times give myself a mental kick for not listening to my gut which is filled with healthy bacteria and knows way more than my brain :)

Well thanks Pupun for pushing me to write today, however bad the post is, I am grateful for writing it. 

The flip side to free bagel

Something Simon Sinek said in an interview I saw yesterday got me thinking

I quote him here 

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The Free Bagel 

Sinek gives an example in his video of how he and his friend both wanted a free bagel that was being offered to all of the runners in the race that they had been a part of. His friend saw how long the line was and did not want to wait. Sinek made the choice to walk to the front of the line and blindly grab two bagels for himself, and his friend. Sinek broke the rules by jumping in front of the other people that were patiently waiting in line. By doing so, he was successful in getting what he wanted. He was able to grab two bagels, one for himself and one for his friend. However, breaking the rules still came with a price. Simon Sinek was not able to choose the type of bagels that he wanted.

Sinek’s maneuver on the surface seems like it was a brash and impatient decision. However, no one in front of him got mad because he didn’t take away their choice of bagel, he was simply focused on the end result. This is where breaking the rules will serve you when it comes to your goals. As long as you’re not hurting others, or denying them of their needs, how you reach your goal doesn’t matter. Breaking the rules gives you the chance to blaze the trail and solve problems like never before.

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So here the moral of the story is:breaking rules solves problems. But what about morals ? 

What he did simply put was cheating and not how it is conveniently justified as "brash & impatient". He quoting it as an example for achieving goals, makes me honestly cringe. 

So back to my thoughts.. 

Today the definition of success is very simple, it equals to money earned, means (By which it is earned) does not matter. The problem is not money being the definition, the problem is each of us bullying our mind and heart to accept this definition. 

If I dont earn as much as X, I am a failure 

I will do anything to get praise from X because of the wealth he / she has    

.. and I could go on

Dont get me wrong, I want to earn money, lots of it but at what cost and how is another conversation. 

I also strongly believe in creative solutions, in fact that's the best way according to me, each one of us can add value to this world.I associate it to joy and I apply it to every aspect of my life even to my daily chores. 

I am also up for being opportunistic, but what do you perceive as opportunity to my mind is equally important. Taking away from someone is not being opportunistic, its called snatching and something you snatch from others, can be easily snatched from you as well. 

What I earn due to my hard work, implementation of mine & other's learning,support and love of others will stay with me for ever. Even if I loose most materialistic things in life, I am confident I will be able to able to win again as I have the confidence which comes from success earned because of strong foundation of honest efforts,self improvement, living in the moment and integrity. 

To sum up my thoughts  -

I define my success & stay true to it by creating it with support of others  & not at the cost (of others)

Peekaboo ! Damn covid why do I see you ?

All of us have been grappling with lockdown in our own unique and not so unique ways. I live with my parents and all three of us are high risk subjects so initially I had completely shut down. I wanted to just distant myself from all the noise in media (social, tv and the whatsapp news minions) so I stopped reading about the daily counts, I took social distancing to extreme level with friends who were members of the news minions army by just temporarily blocking them from my life. 

My only source of information was Ted Connect daily. But after sometime that too got boring. The best thing that happened to me was the work from home and the home chores kept me so busy that by the end of the day I was too exhausted to think about covid and the impact its happening on me and my family. 

I think, on a good day, I am a sensitive person, and the negative media news affects me.  So you can imagine,as they call it, "these unprecedented times" , so yes I did have my mini and not so mini meltdowns. 

First month I think I just took one day as it came, did my work, thanked god for the food and health of my family. I was so into strict one day at a time,  live in the moment funda I am a strong advocate of, I forgot my brother's anniversary, not that I am very good with remembering dates, but I did not remember despite many hints and but what hurt me most was I forgot Dexter's death anniversary. Now that's something that made me realize I need to take a moment or more and actually have the much needed chat with self on "Hey how you doing ?" (the joe style from friends plays in my mind ) but on a soul searching NX level.

Really how am I doing ?

So I am doing great ! Am alive and healthy so I can take care of my loved ones. All my family members are alive and healthy (Touchwood!), we have food, we have shelter that I love, I have a job I love. So yes physiological and some emotional needs are being very satisfied. Thank god for that!

On the other hand I feel I am guilty for wanting to say I am scared, I feel lonely, I miss seeing the vashi creek on my way to work every morning and night, I miss doing things which are a not necessity but I miss them as I am privileged compared to whats happening in the world out there. So I think somewhere between whats right and wrong I realized I can cut myself some slack. Its ok to unapologetically miss the joys of life as long I dont add to the online noise of hashtag lockdown!  

But forgetting to remember Dexter's anniversary does not mean covid made me forget to miss him or love him any less is what I am having hard time convincing myself. 

On the other hand, Dexter I know for sure you are laughing at yet another stupidity of mine. But yes I am realizing I feel guilty that somewhere the pain of loosing him has faded though very fractional and I have this unnecessary need to  hold on to it with all I have. Sometimes when I have to re narrate or narrate a story I have not bored my close ones with (About Dexter- my first boy - the world's most amazing soul - my 11 yr old labrador who left us 4 years back) and say Angel (Our 2 year old goldy - aka  Devil aka Gundappa swamy)  instead of Dexter, I feel very guilty. 

Today when I told my ma I am missing Angel a lot as he is living with my brother during lockdown, I again felt very guilty. In my head I guess pain = loves in some twisted sense and Loving Angel = Loving Dexter less, in a more idiotic sense. 

Letting go = Loving less in away. Am I the only one who is stupid ? Lets conveniently  blame the illogical woman's brain and her hormonal wiring ! 

I do hope there are homies (And am sure there are men in that group too) out there like me so that we can have a new club to counteract the  news minion clubs growing at a rate faster than covid itself. 

But I also realized a few things about myself which I am sure many would have also realized about me long back (Haha ( Joker's laugh plays in my mind) Am I sounding narcissistic? Of course not love, you are perfect ;) ).

But for real, 

We are much tougher than we give credit to ourselves 

We are more blessed than the ones we acknowledge

We have to redefine happiness if we want to survive and thrive 

Letting go is a good thing. Am happy in some weighing scale I have slimmed down :P

Also this pandemic had showed me people I should value in life and am so grateful for the love, empathy and concerned bested on me by them. It made the lockdown lots easier. A big shout out to them (You know who You are, woof woof, cuddle cuddle, kiss kiss) 

The bonds between family I think is so critical and the backbone of our society and my very existence and I think my family has now a new sense patience after bearing me continuously day after day :D and my gratitude towards them has also reached a new high after few hick ups

However I realized my love affair with chocolate is one of constants and sometimes constants are a good thing.

However I cant help but state the obvious, I could have survive very well without having to experience first hand  about the undauntable human spirit that finds a way to survive and thrive come what may. God promise, I trust all books and people that have described it so earnestly :) See am going easy on myself without feeling guilty about it !

Heres my parting shot :). 3 Gen of blue blooded bong girls ! 

Respect Vs Love

After reading my blog post, a friend of mine said his view is contrary to mine, he believes there can be no love without respect. If respect is over, there is no love left and its just obligation. He felt I had not explained my point of view well in my previous post, so here goes

Long and short of it in my view, respect is earned and its retention is suggested to conditions. A person's action has to be insync with the value system which earned him or her the respect in the first case. Its not emotional - its data driven. A person's action will earn respect and leavay may be given a couple of times but repeatedly if a person flounders then respect is lost. Can it be earned again - I think its a very long and difficult uphill task not many will be ready to take up (Else they would not have let go of their values so easily)

But love, well love is another story. Love, the pure one is unconditional. It does not have an ulterior motive, it does not see whether the person deserves it or not, its there, showing solidarity with the person throughout their journey, even if some actions are not condoned.

Question is can love exist without respect. According to me it can. Few examples to explain the same better, if two people who love each other - the romantic kind of love, but one partner has lost respect for the other partner, he may continue to be in love with the partner - even if they may or may not be in the relation. Like wise siblings - you may love them like crazy, support them but if certain actions have caused you to loose respect for them, love may survive and be enough for the relationship to survive.

I dont want to undermine love, the pure, unconditional kind. Love is the innocent child, that knows no fear, will never give up hope, which knows no boundaries, love is eternal. If your hurt love, it will run away like an angry child but its easy to win it back. Nurture it with care and commitment, it will be yours, like a child - it will smile at you with its purity and forget the past pain in an instant.

But respect is like that strict coach - earning brownie points wont be easy, retaining them even more tough, but you cant take it for granted. You have to prove your worth each time.

We all want love and respect, sometimes we tend to take love a bit more for granted and respect does not permit such grants. So ya for me, love can exist with or without respect :)

Me, We, Us & then there is that !

During my recent work trip, I saw such different visions of love at the airport, it made my heart go "awww" to "ouch" to "oooo"in a matter of few minutes


An elderly couple were at an accessory store and the husband was choosing real jazzy clutch purses for his lady love and the lady was very sweetly telling him she does not have a sari to match the clutch instead of telling his he has a horrid taste in clutches :)

Well other than this couple, nothing in the store caught my fancy and so I left the store after my little mental cooing at the couple and went to  wait in the lounge with my cuppa and a quick bite. There I see another couple - this one in their early 30 is my guess, and from giggling and sweet nothings being loudly exchanged to a full blown fight happened in matter of 5 minutes. I was inwardly cringing at the loud decibel and really harsh exchange taking place.

I quickly got out of there when my head started its rude pounding, to find a spot near my flight gate and there again I saw an old man on a wheel chair and I am guessing his daughter or daughter in law grabbing a bite together. The lady was diligently cutting the sandwich into small pieces and the old man with his shaking hands was very slowly lifting the piece and eating it and the lady was every once in a while wiping his face with lots of affection. This scene made my heart feel peace and made world again a great place to be :)

Sometimes observing others (Which I love doing) gives you so many live lessons which actually stays back with you and is presented during your time of need. These three incidences go me thinking, whether my belief that respect is more important than love applies in each of these situation.

Let me elaborate.

I believe that respect is the most critical ingredient in any kind of relationship - love comes a distant second. If you love someone dearly - be it your partner, child, parents, best friend, mentor but respect has been lost due to any or many circumstance, the relationship becomes a chore - soul is lost -you would do things out of love for the person or cause of the past history together but joy will be depleted little by little, it wont be instant and it wont be quick but over a long period of time you will realize, the relation just exists and is no longer alive.

But on the  other hand, if respect exists between two individuals, they can create an environment of joy, prosperity and growth together. Respect will also bring in love, togetherness and a sense of belonging with it. Respect for me is the core of any relationship and that being the relationship which I have with myself as I strongly believe if I dont respect and love myself, no one will. But at the same time I always keep the sole custody of my happiness. I love people with souls filled with quirks, I love the dynamics of family, am a sucker for romantic love, fairytales and romcoms and the joy these all relationships get in our life and how they enrich our lives. But I also love with equal or may be a bit more zeal my me time, me with my crazy thoughts, my dreams,my chocolate,my books, my window shopping, my talks with dexter, my spirited discussion with sai baba.

One thing I still wonder is - can respect be earned back or will weight of doubt pave the path to doom? Love can but not respect is the short answer that comes to my mind instantly but then life is full of paradoxes - so you never know I might in future see an example of regained respect minus any baggage.

Have a good weekend. I for sure is going to have one :)



Leaving a click - the co passenger created his in flight entertainment by using the airline bib in an indigenous manner. Oh how I love desi jugaad mindset !!

Where's the potty tonight !

First question on 1st Jan asked by most is "Where did you party"

And if you celebrated it, like the rest of your nights , with a healthy dose of sleep instead of vodka, both you and the person who asked this question would label you "boring", "uncool" and many more not happening things. 

I was really tired of explaining to people this time, despite it being the beginning of a new decade, why healthy dose of sleep with a sumptuous meal of self love coupled with loadsa scoop of gratitude still qualifies as a "cool" and "hep and happening" bang into the next decade. 

But what is ironic is the ones that dug too deep to find out reason why I celebrated it in this manner were the not happening types as per hoity toity judgmental me (I call them the shallow dumb fcuks) 

But honestly towards the end, 2% of self belief did shake and I had to school myself back to my philosophy "my right is my right and can be other left and is still right"

What I did not like was the pressure of looking cool is more than being cool and it is at its peak during the social occasions created actually to make people feel good about themselves and to strengthen bonds.

 

So are we creating deep bonds by partying with people we do not care much in our hearts but are good for the insta uploads or creating bonds by staying connected with people who matter even if these people wont get you those insta hearts but make your real heart mush up with the warmth they radiate, is a choice each one of us are making consciously or subconsciously. 

However not judging others on the choices they make is one of the things am working on myself. 

One new habit I am really enjoying inculcating is, each time I want to do / think / say something that is not in line with my new fundamentals of behaviours I want to inculcate within me, I drink water to distract myself. 

Agitated, drink water

Sad, drink water

Self pity, more water 

Wanna be snarky, loadsa water 

You get the drift..

So Drink - Pee trip - Repeat is helping me with its 3 fold benefits. Firstly - Distracts me from erring the hydrating way, secondly - my skin and hair will soon be  more healthy and glowing and thirdly - exercise I get with the long walk from my workstation to rest room at work and at home I go to my ma's wash room so get whatever little walks our bombay houses permit - all in all I walk more and often so I get more tired and I sleep better. 

Bottom line - I am smirking mentally each time I remember these benefits and I have increased the count of my self admiration club - 20% more of me is now a part (well thats 50% growth guys)

So I gotta go pee again and you have a good evening :)

Pari hoon main !

This saturday, I took my 15 month old niece to the park behind my house. Its her daily to do thing with my Baba. There I met this bundle of energy named Pari. She came up to us, introduced herself and shared her life story so far of 6 years in the 2.5 hours. Loved her energy, confidence and vivaciousness. Best part she called me didi and told me my teeth are yellow. Haha, way to send you in cloud nine and bring you back to ground zero in few seconds :) I envy the energy the kids  have from starting to end. Both the girls thoroughly entertained me with their antics.

However it got me thinking, how much of my child like nature am I carrying with me, which part of that child like spirit I have brutally cut off and which part am I trying to nurture. 

Introspection is something I love doing but the unflattering outcomes makes me uncomfortable for some time. Then I just bounce back to saying its ok. 

However I got thinking and I would like to believe thinking deep. As a child I would always approach people new to me with an openness, world was always mine to conquer, small joys made my day and worry points in like was that homework I needed to complete else I had to be ready for my Ma's wrath. 

Has much of my situations changed vs my childhood ? Or have I worn new glasses that makes me look at my world differently ?

School got traded for work place

Exams to projects

Openness got traded with experience leading to cynical behaviour most times 

Vivacious self got traded off with cautious schooled appropriate communication so as to not hurt sentiments 

Small joys got traded off the most. Why ? How ? How to reduce the delta ? Is what I am trying to figure out the most.

That unbridled laughter and the end with a snort that my Ma and bro would make most fun of is what I miss most about being me. 

I love reading quotes and the wisdom shared in such few powerful words always impressed me and always got me thinking as well as to how relevant it is even today what great minds had said centuries ago

And quotes about "Living in the moment" always made me mentally shrug  my shoulders  and roll my eyes. However due to  series of life changing events, I have now come to realize the living in the moment is one of the wisest philosophy and one that is most difficult to follow. 

So now am back to school, learning to live in the moment, unlearning too many things which do not serve me anymore. I am now hunting the small joys and being grateful for each one of them

Homework for me is going back to writing this blog - however stupid the post turns out, I am gonna pen my thoughts and not judge them too much 

Openness ah that's a difficult  and easy one - somethings its easy to be open and some others letting go of wisdom gained is difficult. However I am now getting open to the idea of new experiences and ones in a while letting go of the safety blanket loving me and accepting "lets try it"  me 

So here's to celebrating being alive vs just existing, completely cutting off than being polite for society, saying as is honestly but with empathy vs sugar coating the truth, creating vs fitting in. 

Hopefully will get some decent grade this year. 

Cheers to these to young ladies. May they grow to be the strong, independent & empathetic humans !

Heal (paw) the pain !

Dexter its going to be 4 years since I saw you last, since I felt your soft fur, cuddled with you, drank into your unique smell, felt the deep love and innocence in your eyes, the anger when I came home late from work or forgot to let you sniff the new stuff I bought, the doggo ball style we played, the blanket snatching game, the long walks, the sniffing and chomping off the treats, your drools when we eat anything, literally anything.

Your calm self being there beside when I feel alone, lost and broken, the winter snuggle in our comforter and then u just going off because you had enough of the overdose of love I would shower [ya you were mean at times :p but I still love u] the love you gave every person you met, how you bug ma and she getting mad at u and me trying to create peace, uff I can still laugh and both your antics.

Your jumping around when u were ecstatic about a new toy or just me coming home after a tour, I now pack my bags at leisure and miss u even more because I had to do all my packing after you went off to sleep else you would be sad the entire evening.

Your naughty face when you did some mischief but were confident we would not figure that out or the damage is done and your confidence that you  can manipulate us with your charm and you were right each and every time, you would get away most times with a empty threat from us.

How you would knock at the door when I closed it so that u dont bug me, haha every one around thought it was a human knocking haha. How you would try to break a tiff between me and bro by jumping on top of him, how you would get super possessive if anyone tried to hug me, how mad you would get when I would pet another doggo, I miss you waking me up every single morning and the morning cuddles, i miss our car rides together and your joy when u smelled polluted air :).

Dexter, do you know that the dog spa you went to has closed down ? Whenever I see that shop i have so many fond memories, though a new one has come in its place it will be still your spa to me, your eagerness to go there, ur unwillingness to stay there and your anger if i were 5 minutes late to pick you up. How dapper you thought you looked after the spa and how you would flaunt yourself to ma and baba wanting them to acknowledge your highness's hotness :)

Rains always remind me of your raincoat and how u initially thought it did not cool on you as peeps on the street were laughing at you and later on, on my insistence same peeps would pet you and go so that you were convinced you were looking good. Vain ass you are !   Your winter coats and how u preferred the blue over red was funny, even today I have so many people still talking about you and it still brings tears in my eyes. But I feel so proud to be known as Dexter's ma. Haha ya some folks on street still call me that. Haha you improved my social skills :p

My ranting can never stop so I go back to mental ranting again :)
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Dexter I miss you a lot and I am sure you are at a better place now and spreading more joys, I am grateful for the way you touched my life and changed it for ever. I love you a lot and miss you every single day of my life and I know you are there with me always, laughing at my stupidities, hugging me when am down, hearing me ranting to you about my silly problems and not so silly ones as well.

I have stopped eating mackerel, am sure u must be super happy about it u mean ass :) but honestly i cannot eat it without u trying to snatch it from me. I had also stopped eating sea cod caps as we both would eat it together, you unwillingly and me by choice, but now had to make myself eat it again but I remember you each time i eat it [Ok not very time by many times]

I thought with time the pain of missing you would reduce. But it does not and am kind of  trying to learn to live with the pain. Some part of the pain I try to overcome - like how I  hated my house as it had so many memories of the weekends you and I would spend there. You know  past 4 years I hardly went there but now slowly I am trying to not hate the place so much. However some pains have increased. Like seeing another Labrador,  I try to find you in them and I know its not you. If a street doggo tries to come for a cuddle, I again search you in them. I cannot make myself go to a pet store. But I went one time and it hurt me too much so I quickly bought what I needed and left. I so loved our pet store visits how you got special privilege to enter the store coz of your cute ass nature and how exciting those trips were for you :)


Hey now Baban has Angel and he is like your alter ego. Haha. He is a goof ball and poor thing has to bare the load of your supreme legacy but he does not give a doggo fuck. Haha he is one crazy.I do love him in my own way but I guess I still cannot allow another soul to touch my hear the way you did.

I know I know you are bored of my ranting and you know I would give your those famous soul suffocating cuddles and zillion kisses which would embarrass you so I stop but then come on you annoying Dexter the monster why had you to be so frigging awesome :)

I love you more every single day and pray you remain the awesome soul you are in every life you take and if there is heaven above you get the most royal treatment u deserve.

Dexter till we meet again and again

Dexter, my 12 year old boy [ Labrador] left us for his next pursuit of happiness on a sunday of 2016 [May 15th 2016 at 9:05 pm]

My brother was off on his honeymoon  so we did not tell him till he returned a week later. Our entire family's acting skills was put to test that week and we did pass looks like as my brother was not able to make out our loss. He happens to be a very perceptive boy [He is 30+ but will always remain the child to me].

That night after his death, I slept beside him, trying to capture in all my senses his soft ears, his unique smell, his nose that twitched, body so warm growing cold and stiff every minute. His beautiful ever expressive eyes which were truly the window to his amazing soul was shut from me. I held him tight and cried all night and when morning came, that one last car ride which he enjoyed so much, he lay in my arms and I held my boy tight in my heart,hoping this nightmare comes to an end.

For the first year I relived the events of the day every Sunday in my mind. Blaming myself for not being there for the couple of hours I went out, blaming the vet who did not take my endless calls, blaming God for not letting Dexter be in better health longer.

I did some weird stuff to deal with the pain. I went to a tarot reader to find out whether he was happy after I read they can contact animal souls as well. My brother found a psychic who told him dexter will come back to him as another dog. I and my mother felt Dexter's presence initially every night and gradually it decreased. We still feel him around but maybe once in 15 days or more. I Googled this and as usual Google did throw up some explanation on this. Same as that for human soul.

I would sit to write an eulogy, a sonnet , a poem for my child but no words could express the soul shattering pain I am going through and other reason being I am not a good writer and not even a bad poet.

Dealing with loss of human is very difficult but dealing with loss of animal soulmate is excruciatingly painful as unlike humans they dont have selfish motives, no flaws, dont cheat and I could go on. But I am sure we as human are aware of the flaws we have. Some research in USA proved what pet owners have felt for centuries, loss of pet is more traumatic then loss of another human.

The difference between loss of human loved one, others can understand but how can loss of a dog make you so weepy ? Get over it .. he was old .. Get over it .. he is just a dog.. Get over it and get a new one.. Get married !!! Well these were some of the verbal and non verbal communications I received from people close and not so close to me.. some knew Dexter personally some knew him via my facebook post. Another bad thing about FB post.. it shows you memories and thats when I realized my FB post were mostly Dexter's  pictures and the fireworks would go on every morning seeing it.

So No I have not yet got another dog or any pet. My brother has a one and half year old golden retriever named ironically Angel who stays with us from morning to evening and evening to next  day morning he stays with my brother and my sister in law. I call him Gundappa swamy [ Loosely translated King of Goons as he is a hell raiser] Poor thing is always measured against the so much larger than life legacy Dexter has left behind.

My grief is that of mother who waits to meet her dead child in next life. Letting go does not look like an option nor choice but I know eventually I have to make peace with Dexter being in my heart my soul my thoughts and being part of every happy memory I have of my life.

I had made two puppet dogs from the last rice which Dexter use to eat and had given one to my brother and one for me. Something to hold on to when all is gone. I had given away all his clothes toys utensils to a dog shelter. But now my brother feels its time to let go of that too. I grudgingly agreed to it. Letting go is easy said than done.

Some days its a truck load of tears that make my heart light and some days its a sob that makes my heart heavy.

What makes my heart swell up in happiness and tears for once I shed of joy when relatives and friends share how they felt Dexter was a soul from heaven and touched their live in his own special ways.

So Dexter my love you will always be loved more every passing day and my love and hugs and kisses till we meet again and again. Soulmates forever.

Last picture of Dexter taken - 15 days before his last smile.

Hop(p)ing Alive

Somethings in life always keeps hope alive. Dexter's love for life is one of them for me.

He is now 11 years old. Over the past 3 -4 years when Labradors his age started  hobnobbing with old age, Dexter still was in his best costume of health. But past 4 - 5 months Dexter was battling with arthritis and bladder problem.

Things which are part and parcel of old age started weighing my family down like any family which has a ageing member. 

But what keeps us going is Dexter does not believe he is unwell or aging. He still tries to run and catch the cat on his good days. He still wants to snatch the blanket from me when I am sleeping. 

Only our reactions now differ. Earlier his naughtiness would make us laugh earlier and now his naughtiness and lack of it brings in tears. 

Life is passing by, finding it difficult to catch up  and living the moment without touching pain is out of my grasp. 

So only thing one can do, make the hugs tighter, the kisses longer, the words sweeter, the touch, more gentle and hope more stronger. 

Letting go of my spark

My first car is a Chevrolet spark. I learned the nuances and not so nuances of driving in this car. If I had to describe it as a character I would say its Ramu Kaka, always silently listening to my or my brother's gestures, soft spoken ( I could never find a blaring horn which would fit it !), never complaining, low on maintenance - he wore the same seat covers for 7 years without wearing them off, always gleaming with the choukidar ka diya hua snaan of ganda pani ( Car wash given by our building watch man with unclean water). Always reliable and rarely wanting attention.

Yes my chevy baby is quintessential Ramu Kaka of Bollywood movies.


But past few months, Ramu Kaka has been giving trouble and now logic tells me to let go and my heart says how can I let go.

The joy of new car is somehow not making the sadness of letting go of an old friend bearable.


Wish done with the old and on with the new was my funda of life.

Well humans are really silly or is it me. Letting go makes us sad, new things makes us restless and yet the eternal truth of life is change.

So here I am with a little tear a big bag of fond memories of time spend together learning to let go of my spark

Living the life !

Dexter is going to be 10 years old this December. One after the other I am getting news of dogs had to be put to sleep due to some disease due to old age. 

Yes my heart bleeds each time I hear these news and Dexter is more smothered with sloppy hugs and kisses which he clearly does not relish.

My brother keeps telling me to always be happy with the fact that we have always ensured  that Dexter is cared and loved for. 

Each time I hear about a friend of parents die, I go through the same phase, minus the smothering with love for obvious reasons :).

Why is memory so short lived and long lived at the same time ? Paradox. We forget the joys of the moment when we worry about the unknown future and we forget about the wonderful moments we spent in past when we are upset with the same person at the moment !

Every Diwali I take care of Dexter as the cracker noise are very hurtful for him and our adoptive stray dog also comes over. 

But this Diwali we went to my house to first Diwali there :) It was so much fun with Dexter going nuts with so many new smells. 

Wishing a pollution free Diwali !

United by Emotions divided by Cricket

Off late I had started watching Zee TV's Zindagi channel and I was pleasantly surprised to see such good content, beautiful and meaningful dialogues, brilliant acting and beautiful actors - mainly the ladies.

Thanks to this channel I think I can relate to the erstwhile part of India. Hope  Indian channels learn that content is the king. Here (Zindagi) sensitive topics have been dealt so beautifully while never loosing touch with reality and same actors (female) have portrayed with equal oomph both positive and negative roles.

Am totally clean bowled by this Pakistani channel


But coming back to score of my pun .. Cricket its a different story.

India Vs Pakistan match is a Ocean of emotion of 164 Crore humans.

Even if you dont care about cricket, when its India Vs Pakistan, you are glued to the Idiot box. And if its India Vs Pakistan World Cup match, it cant get bigger than this ! No Indian or Pakistani can be not cheering and hooting.

Love the emotions, the drama, the Joy, the apprehension, the unity, the serene streets, the uproar, the cheer, the yummy food binge, the friendly banter, the cranky arguments, the silly bets, the extra extra special prayers, the big big bribing to different gods (am sure some of us have a god who listen's to our world cup requests !), the cheers, the laughter, the curses, the swear words evolved specially due to friends watching the match together, the post match victory party, the post match crying den, the lucky jersey, the unlucky whatever. God I could go on and on.

Basically when it comes to cricket, each and every time we defeat Pakistan in a cricket match, the joy is what brings a nation together. We forget diversity, our personal problems, our differences, our sorrows and rebel in the feeling of victory. The same goes to Pakistanis. But yes unfortunately we do hold the 6-0 score and am sure some day the jinx we so love will break and Pakistan will have a reason to celebrate during world cup against India. The joy of defeating Pakistan is much bigger than winning the world cup too for few. I am greedy. I want to defeat Pakistan and win world cup. Yes but if I had to choose I would have chosen WC. I in this case would not care about the battle, I want to win the war.

So I am all set for India Vs SA tomorrow but the joy of Pakistan loosing today is bringing a smirk on my face since morning. Pray it grows bigger tomorrow. :)

Unsung heroes

Cribbing seems to be my latest hobby. During my lunch break couple of days back a colleague and friend of mine narrated a story of house help.

The lady had three children and one of them had Thalassemia and required blood transfusion every month. Her husband on the birth of such a baby had told her to throw the child in the dumpster but she refused to budge to him and loved the child like the rest and worked extra hard to not only make ends meet but have enough to pay for the monthly blood transfusion.

So life was not easy at all for the lady but it got worse. She developed Tuberculosis and subsequently due to negligence lost her battle. The child with thalassemia too died due to negligence after that.

My friend does not know what happened to the family after the death of this lady.

I came home to my family, hugged my Ma a bit more tight, annoyed my Baba with a little extra dose of sarcasm, gave Dexter few extra minutes of ear rub and let me bhai bug me for a minute extra than his usual quota.

Lucky for me I am trying to see the brighter side of things but my heart did  shed a few tear for this spirit of this  mother, a fighter , a hero and the helplessness that engulfs us so many times.

So being a phoenix is not easy, being a phoenix is not about choice, being a phoenix is the way that you can only survive. Death may not be the end all, just a transition to a new journey and my optimistic soul says a happy journey it will be.

May your body rest in peace and your spirit rise high like a phoenix.

Agnels Batch of 93

Couple of month back(its couple already !) one night i see a very interesting update on Facebook Agnels batch of 93, some one had taken initiative to create a whatsapp group to enable all batch mates to interact with each other. 

I immediately got myself and friends whose number I had added to this group and was pleasantly surprised to see so many kids already enrolled. Only class I guess we enrolled with pleasure :)

It was like a cacophony initially, the famous ones, the infamous ones, the scholars, the last benchers, the invisible ones (Me tops that list), the Funny ones, the sarcastic ones, the ones with the worst luck, the romeos, the divas, the then zero now hero, the introverts, the chatter boxes, the sports champs, the singers, the dancers, the Netas, the abhinetas, the scapegoats, the real sports and the chidkus (not so sport) all together and it felt like school all over again. 

Interesting was to see some people changed so much and some were just the same, We are such a diverse group with many years of zero or minimal contact, vastly different life experiences, nature, mindset, philosophies, backgrounds, attitude, geographical boundaries..( I could go on but my vocabulary and imagination is running short) so yes the essence of what I am trying to say here is the magnitude of diversity is stupendous and yet we are united by the emotion called school.

I am sure you all will agree that School does not stand for a building, it stands for a huge sea of emotions. The first full marks, the first red mark, the first pat on the back, the first slap on the face, the first hug from a friend, the first smack from a not so good friend, the first chalk you threw at a girl, the first chappal (slipper) she threw back at you,  the first day you bunk, the first day you wished you never missed (Your crush's ka bday), the first school trip, the hopefully only farewell party (Fail karnein ka only bright point - Dou dou farewell party .. yes not very puny .. but goes na with the flow :p), the first dream of a career, the realization of different career, the first tiffin sharing, the first tiffin dhaaping (flicking off of the tiffin box), the first blank call, the call phone call, the first birthday dress, the first uniform you thought you looked smart in, the first disaster called hair style, the first one you thought you got it right (only to know it was a catastrophe), the first pang of jealousy, the first burst of forgiveness, the first PJ, the first PJ on you, the first song you learnt during christmas carols, the first parody you made with friends, the first movie with friends, the first Adult movie with friends (:P I am sure all yes all of you did it ) the first cuss word you learned, the first cuss word you taught your sibling, the first tiffin you made for yourself, the first tiffin you claimed to have made for yourself, your first partner, your first partner of the opposite sex, you first lab partner, you first library partner (If anyone had any.. still there is time to make one), the first meeting you had at home to get your family meet your school friends, the first meeting you had at your friends house for the same, the first time you copied, the first time someone copied from you (yes very proud moment for many !) the first time .. I could go on but I am going to stop here and gonna ask my batch mates of 93 to post more firsts.. 

Super happy to reunite with all you guys I knew from ages, and to meet so many new ones and old ones which have now become a new and improved version of themselves and so just too perfect to change.. 

But cant end without making some mentions.. 

Gabbar urf Smita  tops my list.. She was always the scholar without airs in our shivalik gang.. Now she is an adorable yummy mummy, techie and greatest power house of witty nonsense 24 X7

Sam urf Sameera .. the favorite in the group along with Smita.. Both these girls have solid fan following .. 

She is so funny and full of positive energy that I wait for appearance online to bring in a smile 

Without these two lovely ladies our group would loose all its Pun n spunk..

Go Girls

Then comes the very important members that are the backbone of any group  

The Sports.. They are the ones that are inspiration for real sad PJs, Puns etc and keep the banter light hearted .. the stress busters, the rockstars, the show stoppers and the show starters too :)

 The list is thankfully a long one in this group

Bhatia .. sirf Naam hi kaafi hain

Yags Urf list is too long (Guys here can update)

Sunil urf ... too many to remember 

Molly .. Sorry Molloy

Nangu Pungu Dingu number 1 urf Murgi urf Mallu urf Vivek

Uncle urf Chasmis urf Sudhir 

Nangu Pungu Dingu number 2 urf  Stuff urf tattoo man urf Daya urf others I dont know yet

KP urf brian adams urf master chef urf storyteller 

The Foodies.. who keep the group hungry for more :)

The bongs are the toppers here

Sandip 

Sourja

Deepalok

Yours truely

The Veggie brigade

Sallil (tera name first)

Deepali - master chef number 2

The twinkling stars.. they come and go and yet they leave a very bright light behind.. 

Shamli

Vinisha

Ritu 

Shikha

Smitha Paul 

Saurabh 

Vishal 

(Too bad the admins have become twinkling stars.. we need more participation)

Very Important Group - the party organizers 

Mayur the biggest and the best (literally)

Venky the ever enthusiastic 

Janaki the chief and strict account head

Latest active entrant is Mahen as vinisha rightly put the ceo and sutradhar off late :)


Special Mention for the Chupa Rustam Most ROMANTIC .. Rahul Kanavi

Cant believe you were or rather are so Filmi .. Maybe you too should write a book on your love story.. lots more interesting it was than Two states for sure !

Phew  I could go on and on.. shortly will be adding pics to this post .. 

Love you guys .. You really made me smile real hard and loud and inspired me enough to start writing my blog back 

-

Ma tujhe pranam (Mom we salute thy)

Past 7 days a pigeon is warming her eggs outside our window. Earlier too we had generations of pigeons make our balcony as their home and we suffered a lot because of their rap music. 

This time the moment I saw the pigeon laying her egg, I told my ma that this time no consideration we will throw the eggs away the moment this pigeon leaves. My Ma being the more softy amongst the two grudgingly agreed. 

But it has been seven days and this pigeon has not left her eggs. I was so intrigued by this ladies dedication I googled online to find out more and what Mr Google told me is that the eggs require 14 days to hatch and the male and female pigeon do it interchangeably giving the impression that the same pigeon is sitting on the eggs.

I dont know for a fact as at night none of us have inspected the pigeon. We did offer her food and water which she refused to have from us, albet not too politely I will add!

But her dedication has obviously diluted our resolve or rather my resolve to throw the eggs.So we are doomed to atleast one more generation of crank rap. 

My ma told me that the baby pigeon called squabs wont recognize their parents when they grow up. I tried asking Mr Google. yet awaiting the answer. 

Wish I shared the mother pigeon's dedication ! Only one in my family who has that kind of dedication is my brother. Every night, night after night he would toil during his architecture days to complete his assignment and start all over again without a grunt when his heartless teachers would scrap his work not because it was not technically correct but it was not as per their whims and fancy a La "three idiots style" story. But what sets him apart and loads ahead of me is his dedication. 

I guess I am more of the cuckoo bird, wont explain why :P

A thought that time and again strikes me and ma is whether Dexter misses his ma or remembers her. 

To make our life complete, he has left his family and adopted us and has adapted to our life. I hope we are keeping him well so that in spirits we can always tell his parents, hey we did not as good as you could but maybe the next best for him. 

I guess these over the top emotions might be too much for non pet lovers to understand and I guess we should not have such expectations too as some things can be felt only by actual experience. 

I really enjoy taking lessons and inspiration from other species as mankind as a species has seem to make me more weary, biased and too predictable. 

I wonder what opinion do these other species have about us and do they too laugh at our antics coz I doubt we can inspire or teach them much to improve their lives.

Tears of Why !

Living in India now has a new meaning for women. She has been tortured and suppressed all this while but now the rape demon has raised its ugly head past two years higher and is more powerful

Still Nirbhaya's main culprit is protected by law, the bombay rape victim verdict is yet to be out, thousands of nameless / faceless women are victim to it daily, either the family does not allow her to seek the law or she is disillusioned by law or worse still people part of our law and order system are cause of her plight ! 

Yes its nothing new and yes I can feel unsafe and yes I cant change law nor the mentality of Indians overnight. Yes I am part of rallies to raise voice against injustice to women but not every time in person. 

So what can I change ? I can change only Me !

The quote "Better safe than sorry" now has a new meaning for me. Earlier I would think its an excuse to hide your lack of courage. Today it means I have wisdom to let go. So yes no longer do I drive across the city at night alone. No longer do I go to shady place, praying that God will take care of me, no longer I dress to kill - well not if I am gonna walk down streets or go to unfamiliar place and inform my parents about my whereabouts which was very annoying thing earlier to do but now suddenly I feel safe that my parents / bro know where I am. 

I have started learning kick boxing and that gives me the hope that even though I will be alone and vulnerable I will not give up without a fight. And like they say Surprise is the best weapon. So if any girl is reading this I really urge you to enroll in some form of self defence course and check the following websites for self defence techniques but ensure you are serious and ready for a long term commitment. 

Few interesting articles around

http://www.womenonguard.com/safety_tips.htm

http://www.attackproof.com/10-best-self-defense-tips.html

http://www.rediff.com/getahead/slide-show/slide-show-1-specials-10-self-defense-tips-every-woman-should-know/20131021.htm

http://powertochange.com/life/personalsafetytips/

http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2009-11-10/man-woman/28086753_1_weapons-mobile-phone-arenas

Also some mobile applications that come handy

http://womensissues.about.com/od/violenceagainstwomen/tp/Best-Apps-For-Women-Concerned-With-Safety-And-Security.htm

But here are some critical tips I have learnt over the period of time

1) ALWAYS ensure your Mobile Battery is fully charged when you are going out or Have a spare phone

2) Keep LOCATION on of your smart phone

3) Always carry some everyday use thing that can be used as weapon - dupatta, nail filer, pepper spray, long nails, sharp teeth, big heavy bag and your cool composed self 

4) Never loose cool in situations where there are too many men involved together - even if you hate it try your damnest  best to be diplomatic even if it spiritually kills you

As I live and learn more, I intend to update this list. 

So hope more humans across the world take steps to change their plight and unite against the sexual harassment demon. 

So lets not cry why but try to protect and prevent by being first aware, committing to self and spreading the word. 

Delli Belly

I always hated Delhi because of the people there. Either they are super rude or else fake sweet and all lack professionalism. The "Haan ji Sir ji" ( A "Yes sir" dripping with a bucket full of honey) be it sweet or rude, does not help if my work is not done on time due to the "Chal ta hain" attitude. ( "brushing off things like rules because people think they don't matter”)

Another thing unique about Delhi is Everybody and when I say everybody I mean Everybody has Some Political connection. Be it Friends brother in laws, second cousins- brother in laws - Uncle's friend but connection is there and however distant the connection - it is still very strong to make you want to be weary of the person to take panga ! (Pick a fight) 

And Everybody brags. be it Subtle or shamelessly - the bragging is always there. Just like air, it is critical for living in delhi. 

This time when I went to Delhi for work and was first mildly amused at my Angreji speaking driver who claimed to live in the same lane as Mrs Indira Gandhi, whose cow's / bullock's milk goes to the MPs & MLAs and I was wondering whether the bullshit was being directed towards me that particular day. His brothers are CA and CS. & his kids were born because of a baba's ashirwaad (blessings)

Being a Bombayite all my life (Yes I hate the word Mumbai) and though I have lived most of my life in Navi Mumbai, new bombayite is what I actually am but thats meat for a future blog post. Ok now I lost my point. Well whats great about bombay is we dont have time to do idle chit chat with the all and sundry. We reserve it only for people we love, care, we are curious about or we can get our work done with but still its not all and sundry. So after the initial "Ms Congeniality" version of me bid adieu, the blue blood bombayite rose and I stopped being responding too much to his non stop yapping. 

Amongst the non stop yapping I could filter out some real interesting things. 

One he believes machines cannot give you any health. Walk as much as possible. I asked him about his belli, he said " Madam ji buddha ho gaya hoon tou chalta hain". But if you think of it, what he said had a lot of depth, jogging, swimming, mountain climbing, kick boxing, yoga, martial arts did not require machine but are the great forms of workout.  

Second, in India there is atleast one Baba who will make your dreams come true. You just have to hunt for the right one. He happened to have found his and if you have your baba it gives u license to bitch about all the other babas who are dhongi (fake). I am a total Anti Baba however educated sophisticated he or she may be.. but totally agree most of us do have if not a baba, a jyothish (astrologer), a tarot card reader, a psychiatrist.. someone we can blame when things dont go our way. Ha ha am guilty of one, now you guess which one ..

Third, India is country where we blame our population size for everything that goes wrong. Which really struck me. I too give that lame excuse when I want to defend my country and its people from the criticism we always gather across the world. 

Whatever be the reason, he sure is someone I will not forget for some time soon whenever I encounter an other Delhi Cabbie with a Belli and attitude. 

Somewhere we connected throughout the pandemonium of the day and at night when I went to sleep, I did pray for his well being that night. 

Guess it is to do with being Indian. The new age Indian loves to believe he / she is independant, cares two hoots about any one other than self, is super suave to handle stress alone but beneath all the glitter is gold deep down. We do value the Indian factor that binds us mostly in pain or during cricket matches. 

Subh Dipavali

I have not been writing for a long time. Not motivated enough as no new thoughts hit me in a long time and I let my small problems govern my life

Yesterday I was talking to an old friend who told me I should start writing back and atleast one person will read it.Felt so good that no longer I have to make my family read my blog on gun point and continuous verbal torture. He asked me to take the theme of DiwaliAnd here I go..
Every year in Bombay there is this competition between society members which is unofficial, non verbal and very fierce - who lights their house best. Why mostly amongst society members as all of us have matchbox size house and diwali gives us a means to shine brighter than the rest. Over the years the number of lights outside the house has increased every diwali and the light within our souls have diminished. Having said that, I too am an enthusiastic contender in this non verbal, not at all subtle competition, so this time I went to Crawford market to buy my unique lights and hope they are really unique :)Today the charm of diwali from sharing joy and cheer has gone to spreading awareness of ones affluence. The bigger lights, the louder crackers, the bigger or more expensive sweet and yet the ever so small hearts, the narrow thought process, the increasing apathy and worse the increasing lack of trust. Today if someone out of his or her way does anything good to me, I will first be weary of what favors does he or she want from me. So we dont accept things on face value and wrack our brains to dig deeper for the so called "real reason" behind the goodness around. This obviously discourages the do gooders to restrict their operations in most cases and the incurables ones like my parents still go on despite too many wounds. My parents both are the strong believers of the philosophy of " Do good for others without expectations and God will take care of you."Several decades of Murphy ruling their life ( The Devil's philosopher of the infamous Murphy's law - whatever can go wrong will go wrong) my parents still believe in their philosophy.My brother and me always laugh at them but hate it how totally unwillingly the same philosophy - thank god a lot dilute version has also been rubbed off into us. We too burn our fingers but keep our heart safe and call our mistakes of doing good to people who later create trouble for us as experience and move ahead.Somehow in this process our hearts have become stronger and our souls more humble. We both believe that life is too short to be happy or sad about. Its a ride, your destiny is the driver, you can give it directions but it follows the path which the gps created by God dictates. So this Diwali, Yes is will put on my unique lights, my  new floral rangoli, my recycled diyas and the shop bought sweets, celebrate another year of from darkness to light. & continue to grumble that mine was not the best lighting or rangoli and next year my zest for the best would be stronger and my source of light hopefully internal and not on the streets of Crawford market!

My last years master pieces :)